And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.




I always knew.
It wldnt make a diff.
I know now,it isnt making a diff.
Tmr i'll know tht it doesnt make a diff.
And soon i'll realise,
it will never make a diff.

R I G H T N O W
I F E E L L O U S Y.
S O , B Y E




-

Feeling a little better now.Just now i cldnt even see the keyboard properly.Ohh weel the body ache is killing me.As usual only i know and feel what im going thru.Right now.I wish i cld tell someone all these.But she's just a fucking bitch.Eh, bitch you have changed a lot.And i cant stand it.Not like ur affecting my life in any way or
anything.But you are seriously haunting.And it frustrtates me.YOU made me into this
stupiduglyfatsickeningirritatingsuckymiserablemoodswinging bitch.YOU made my life in 2006 miserablee.Cause of all tht.I changed, changed into this super mean and selfish
bitch whom everyone hates.Some hardcore bitch which can never be tolerated.Asickening bitch which is growing into a sadist.Or maybe its not cause of you.Maybe its just me.Maybe i made my self like that.Wtf was all tht shitty slitting of wrist for?I feel super dumb stupid and assholic for that right nowi swear.
I have stopped.Im proud of myself for tht?Oh well,Life isnt the bitch afterall.
Its just me.I never was a good person.Im just dumb.But i wasnt born dumb.I was an average child,still not all tht brainy.But soon i dropped.I dropped cause i cldnt face life's challenges.I cldnt face myself.I cldnt except what life was giving me.
And i never knew what iw as turning into.My family hates me.I know that.They soemtimes feel i never was born into their family.Or rather soemtimes i myself feel that im not worth all their love and affection,i feel that iw as born extra.I feel that maybe i was adopted.I feel that all these love and care might just be fake.
I know that they prefer you to me.I know they never liked me.Even the kids.They prefer you to me.All tht was said is still running thru this stupid head.You said children know where the real love comes from.So they are rather attached to tht person.Oh thank you.Thank you all so very much for everything.So me?Im the one who is preventing all of you from coming here tmr right?Its cause of me all of you cant come tmr right?Cause of this fucking thing tht u have passed to me im having it
so which fuck is to be blamed?So yea its just.Yeah maybe what Mrs R said was true afterall.Yes ma'am i am playing a fool around.Yes i am.Im not serious about life.Thats why i receive such results.Just as happiness was nearing all this constipated shit gotta fuck up right?Just as i was trying to change all this
discomforting words gotta be said right?All you ppl out there.Be happy with what you've got.There are thousands of asses below you.And im one in that thousands.
Yes i have let you down.But did i mean to do it?Yes!Cause why?Iam stupid,playful and never serious about life.I cant go out.Whenever i do,i feel lousy. I feel fat when i look at slimmer and close to perfect looking ppl.I feel like i don belong here.
I laugh to hide my pain when i receive fucked up results.And hell yeah I AM PLAYING A FOOL AROUND.Yes i do shout vulgar.Cause im not a good person.I swear like a million times in a day.Hell yea im not a gd influence.I give up soo much,and hell yeah i deserved to be called a sucker.I try my best to get what i want.Hell yea im not serious about life.
Having mood swings lately.And guess im the first shit to cry when i knew i had chicken pox.I hate the way i am right now.I am growing into this emotional piece of fuck for the slightest thing.Hell yea im a useless piece of shit.Is it because i cant control my emotions?Why cant i.I did it all along.WHy cant i do it now?WHat is becoming of me?What am i growing into?I wish i cld get ans for allt these.
Why am i not the strong old Dharsh tht i was.I wanna change but why do i feel tht its too late?! When hell, im only 14.Why do i have to make the toughest decisions in life all on my own?Why am i such a loner.Sometimes i feel invisible.Its not their fault.Its mine.I have one of the most bestest friends int he world.Why dont i know how to treasure them.What more do i want?What more can i have?What more can i grwo into.In P5 i get scolding during math class for almost everything.Why wasnt i serious then? If i ahd been serious i wldnt be a failure in math now.Just as i started to like math i failed it.Its exactly how i feel in this life of what i call mine? Just as i was starting to enjoy life. I failed in life.I failed as a student,as a friend as a fucking member part of this oh=so-perfect family.I just simply failed.I cant chase my dreams anymore.I feel its the end.I cant tolerate this anymore i just want to end.I dont want the world to see me.I know that theyd never understand.I don want to be pitied cause i know my ego is rising.I dont to be ignored cause i know my falling.I dont want many things i can just name them as i go.
But the things i want are nothing.Cause negative is what i am.
I'll never be a good person.Don blame me its how i am.I'll never feel alright
cause i know i'll never be alrigght.
Just as i thought i cld find joy atleast in sch.
I gotta get such grades and we'll have to part.
I've never loved a bunch of morons this much before.
And it feels like a needle poking thru my heart.
No matter how i know things will never be the sameNoone can make me a better person.
The only thing left i have to hate other than my past.
Is me.